jenny. nyeneks. jen. twenty-one.
currently a bum, but not for long. youngest of five. singer. loves to eat. sentimental. luvs music. butterflies. christian.
trumpets
girl. grad team. joyclub.
about site.
version: three. simple things. host:blogger. tools: microsoft frontpage, adobe photo deluxe, loads of love. c",)
what about?
this
site is where she rants and blogs about her oh-so-colorful
life, sprinkled with the simple joys God has blessed her with.
well well... I'm having a problem looking for wedding songs. I'll be singing in a mass wedding, 2 weeks from now... and I still cant find a song! and at the same time, i was asked to sing 8-10 songs for my cousin's wedding that will be accompanied by piano by my other cousin! And I might sing another song for my brother's 10 year wedding anniversary (renewal of marrige vows).
Im having a hard time picking songs that can be sang on weddings. I really wanna be careful on what songs to choose... I want it to be as special as possible.
well... i gladly feel contented for who i am, what i have and where i am right now. single as i am, tired from office works, bunch of responsibilities in class and school orgs, fellowships and bible studies lined up, feeding and playing with "amber" my dog as soon as i get home at night, blogging my unpredictable thoughts in the middle of work, studying "the mind of christ" and "purpose driven life" before sleeping, coffee break routine in the morning with my school and work buddy "deeh", everyday conversation with my bosses during lunch at our cubicle, eating while working, every morning dilemna on what corporate outfit to wear, pictures and notes on my board, cutie golden retriever pups on my wall paper, toys on my desk, pathetic new school ID (grrr!), listening to illegal mp3's while working, receiving text msgs from my friends once in a while, blog hopping, sleeping in my messy room, OT everyday, pilled clothes to wash and to iron, bonding sessions with my ever dearest brother and... enjoying my fellowship with my heavenly father.. =) isn't it nice? *sigh* =)
as much as i would want to write everything that's happening to me here... i cant, =( due to time constraint...
im badly busy the past few days... much busy than before! my head is fully occupied by responsibilities and commitments to fulfill, and by some other things that bothers me much.
guess, i gotta end here. i cant think anymore... im so tired =(
again... just like any other day... im having my overtime tonight... an unpaid overtime. well, i got an option not to have an OT; but considering all my work assignments? gosh, my time isn't enough!
im the only person left here in our department (Strategic Outsourcing... or SO for short). i believe that Im so much blessed in this job that I have right now... with all the special treatments, trust, respect, friendly atmosphere and all... but the work load kills me sometimes =(
i tried to write down all the things that i should finish here at 'SO' as soon as possible... and i ended up filling 3-bondpaper-full of work to finish!!! considering that i still have a meeting tommorow regarding our Data Center (server room) and another one on monday regarding our Inventory and Deployment, so it means that another 2-3 more pages might be added to my list. grrr...
one of my bosses is asking me to supervise one of the divisions of our department (which is the Inventory and Deployment)... gosh! it's a long process! im just a trainee here! im still not well experienced on these things... and considering that I was never assigned to Inventory and Deployment... so i have to study everything from scratch... and i got less than a week to study it all! coz in 3 weeks, our department will be audited by IBM ASEAN... if we failed in the audit... most probably, my boss will loose her job! gosh! and take note: Inventory and Deployment is the dirtiest division of our department! the informations in that database is terrible! simple example: there are some thinkpads (laptops) assigned to resigned employees!!! men!
also, she is asking me to manage 2 databases! and she wants me to design one of them! i dont even know how to use lotus notes designer!!!
i know that all of these things are blessing to me... these things that I don't deserve... and i so much realized that God trully wants to bless me, and He's just waiting for the perfect time that I'm prepared to handle all these things... im so much overwhelmed!!!
i really feel tired right now... just thinking of the things that i should do... knowing that IBM is just a part of my responsibilities... I still have our graduation committee, in which im the head for finance and accounting. so i got to manage all the businesses, fund raising activities, coordination with companies and accounting all the money. Im also the Vice president for communications and secretariat of East Asia computer society... Im also a leader and member of our church's praise and worship team. and Im also the vice president of our church's youth group (joyclub)! ohh... men... i feel tired thinking of all these.... im having a head ache!
i dont know if I can handle all these things... i dont wanna commit or take responsibility to something that i cant handle well... i dont want the attitude of doing things just for the sake of doing it... i wanna give my best effort on these responsibilities that i took... and unfortunately, i dont know how to do it?!?
i believe that if God has placed me here, He will sustain me... He will give me strength and wisdom to everything that I'll do. I know that this is just a step to the wonderful plan that He has prepared for me. =)
I composed a song 2-3 weeks ago... actually, it's not yet complete... i just finished fixing the intro and the chorus... haha! im still not done with the verses and the bridge... i guess i already lost my mood to compose! hehe! hope to finish this soon... coz im a frustrated song writer! haha!
i attended a music conference a couple of weeks ago, and one of the speakers said that if you want to learn how to compose songs, you should learn how to manifest what's in our hearts thru words and music.
just wanna share to you this lousy attempt of a frustrated song writer to manifest what's in her heart... here it goes:
i choose to love in silence
till the time that God reveals
the wonders of His perfect plan
instored for you and me
inside my heart I'll keep it
for His answer's still unclear
so i'll just sit here and wait until
time has come for me to say the love I feel
prepare yourself coz this is really looonnngg... but it's worth reading =)
THE COST OF OBEDIENCE
...more than a year and a half ago
more than a year and a half ago, ive made a big and painful decision to follow what i believed my heavenly father wants me to do. Ive learned that when you truly love God, you have to obey His commands and you have to follow His instructions... even though it's painful... even though it will hurt you so much. My eyes did sore and my tears didn't stop to fall for several weeks... yet i ve believed that it would all pass... i ve believed that the fruit of my obedience is worth all the tears and pain. I knew that God is trimming and cutting off the unproductive branches in me, so that I'll grow more spiritually fruitful.
More than a year and a half ago, I gave up someone so important and special to me. I let go of this person that I used to love.. its not that he is a bad guy or somethin... but to tell you honestly, he is a caring, sweet, nice and lovable guy. I used to have special feelings for him... but I had to give him up because I had to follow Gods commandments. He is not a Christian like me... and God said that I shouldnt be equally yoked with unbelievers. Yes, I did love that guy... but I LOVE GOD MORE. I knew that God is testing me on how much I love him and on where He stands on my priority list.
More than a year and a half ago, before we 've separated our ways, I tried to explain things to him.. though I knew that he didnt fully understand. I prayed for him before we said our goodbyes. We ve made a promise that we would still be best friends like before (though in the long run... we werent able to keep that promise.. a friction has developed due to our withdrawal).
As I look back, more than a year and a half ago... I have no regrets. I believe that Ive grown deeper in my spiritual life... and Ive matured so much. Ive learned how to be whole and complete without getting temporary comfort and security form another person. Ive experienced God in a very different and special way... Ive realized the power and joy of waiting for Gods will... knowing that the person God has prepared for me is worth the wait... worth the tears... and worth preparing myself for. *sigh*
More than a year and a half after, and thats today... I went to the 1st National Student IT Congress in UP Theater. During the break, as im walking alone back to my seat... my way crossed with him while he is holding hands with another girl... you know what my first reaction was? I SMILED! =) my heart was full of joy and my mind was filled with inner peace. I was so glad to see him happy with someone else. Though, I kinda felt awkward with the idea and the set up... I felt conscious with my reactions and the reactions of other people as well. But deep within me, I know im glad. God answered my prayers... down from the smallest to the most complicated ones. The girl looks nice and sweet. It seems that she will protect, care for and love him well. I can see in her that she is loyal and dedicated to him... and im overwhelmingly happy about it. =)
Now, I can say that I have no regrets of obeying what I didnt fully understand before. Im happy for where I am and for where he is right now. God truly blesses those who follow him. I just cant help but smile as I look on how far Ive gone... and as I see people change for good because I followed.
I feel so much glad because I obeyed Gods command on me... more than a year and a half ago... =)
i got the most distorted figure of what an ideal family is... i got all sorts of twist in its normal sense… but then, im happy for where I am and for how i am brought up. =)
we had a family dinner last night at 'haf chang' in banawe, QC bcoz we're 'celebrating' my brother's birthday. it was a fun time of laughing and sharing stuffs together since we only see each other once or twice a month... basically because almost all of the family members are married already... and has kids of their own. and as for me, the "bunsoy" of the family... still left alone.
i got countless of sentiments when the topic "family" is being brought up... and almost always puts me into tears... Yet, it makes me smile to know that God has placed me in this "oh so different" family situation... and it makes me feel blessed and thankful about it...
whatever it is... thought, i may not understand at times... I'll still say... I LOVE MY FAMILY SO MUCH! =)
i dont know what has came into me... but i suddenly felt unloved... =(
i know God loves me... and my family and friends too... But you know, as i've realized that im alone... some sort of sad feeling rushed over me... and i cant explain why =( i know very well that God is ALWAYS at my side... never leaving me behind... But sometimes, i dont know... i just feel so alone. I've always wanted to share my thoughts and feelings with someone... I've always wished to be cared and protected by someone... I've always hoped that I could be submissive to someone... but seemingly, that dream... still remains to be a dream... and will remain to be a dream until the right time comes.
feeling alone doesn't necessarily mean being incomplete... i still believe that im "whole" as a person... i just feel sad at times...
i often hear this question from people of different ages and see this on autograph books since i was in 3rd grade. i heard all sorts of definition from "love is sweet but you cannot eat" to "love is blind" to "love is a special feeling for someone" to "love is when you want to see and be with someone every single minute of the day" and so on and so forth...
but then i asked my self... what does LOVE really mean???
as i grew up, i had my own changing personal definitions of love... and as i mature bit by bit, the meaning of love in me becomes deeper and deeper...
i sometimes feel frustrated whenever i come across people with wrong definitions of what true love means. Love is not about the butterflies in the stomach... not about loosing control in the presence of a special someone... not about the heart beating fast... not about good looks... not about the financial stability... because i believe that love is far beyond feelings and emotions... well, ofcourse you can feel that "feeling" (you know what i mean)... and it's nice... but it's not a strong basis to tell that it's already love... Love is a package deal... it's a combination emotion and wisdom. It's accepting the person whole heartedly for WHAT HE IS, WHAT HE WAS AND WHATEVER HE WOULD WANT BE wrapped with CARE and SWEETNESS with the intention of protecting him from the sin of lust, packed with UNCEASING PRAYERS, combined with TRUST, RESPECT and HONESTY... that's what love truly means! =)
im really against the thought that having PMS (pre-marital s_x) is an act of love... it's an idea that a lot of people think is true. well me, i dont think so... because if you love someone, you have to think of the other person first before yourself... LOVE IS AN UNSELFISH THING... and if you love someone, you'll protect him from sinning agaist God... you'll protect his virginity out of respect... you shouldn't think of your momentary lustful physical desire... because once you give in for a temporary selfish satisfaction... you'll be accountable to God for the rest of your life... and you'll face the consequence that would put you into tears for a long time... ofcourse, God will forgive you as soon as you confess your sins and ask for forgiveness... but the natural consequences will still be there... and you wouldn't like it...
i realized, just this morning, that "knowing a person so well" is also not a basis to define your feeling as "love"... in the past, i used to say that "i love him... because i know him sooo well". i was disillusioned by the friendship that we had... i thought that when we're both completely honest with each other... we already know each other perfectly. i learned that WE CAN NEVER KNOW SOMEONE PERFECTLY... NOT EVEN CLOSE TO PERFECT... because EVERYTHING CHANGES... feelings fade, skin wrinkles, hair turns white, age rises every year, cars rust, weight increases, friends come and go, and so on and so forth... but when you trully love someone, whatever change might happen... the feelings will still remain unchanged.... that's love. =)
again the question... "WHAT IS LOVE???" remains to be a question to a lot of people... trying to figure out if what they feel is really love. But i should say that I got the best and perfect definition of WHAT LOVE TRULY MEANS... the definition that comes from the word of truth.
"LOVE is patient and kind; it is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. LOVE does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. LOVE bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things... "
if your confused about what you feel... consult the creator of love... because He first loved us =)
well, just wanna share this song (riz gave it to me)... i find the lyrics sooo true to me... it speaks so much of my thoughts about praying and considering someone that i would want to spend the rest of my life with... hope you'd like it too as much as i do =) here it goes:
SENT TO REMIND ME
Sitting in the darkness
Broken hearted and alone in my dream
Is this how i should really feel?
Lord please take the pain away.
Wondring in the day time
What could all of these possibly mean?
Have i grown stronger after all the tears?
Could i still take the risk and fall?
You may not see it now,
You don't even have a clue
But time will come i'll have the courage
To tell you that I...
Chorus:
I hope, you could be my angel
I hope you're my answered prayer
I hope you could be my angel
Sent to me from heaven,
Sent by God to remind me of His love..
Walking home with you
Sharing stories until the end of the day
Didnt you see the joy that's on my face?
Didnt you notice my goodnight?
What is it with you?
Is it the way you sang that lullaby?
Or how your laughter often makes me smile?
Now i wont deny
That I hope... (chorus)
You should've known by now
Haven't i given you all the clues?
I guess it's time to tell you
What i feel, I know it's real..
Coz i hope you could be my angel
I hope this is an answered prayer
I hope you could be my angel
Sent to me from heaven,
Sent by God...
I hope, you could be my angel
I hope you're my answered prayer
I hope you could be my angel
If not, i will always remember
You were still sent --
To remind me of His love...
when the music fades
and all is striped away
and i simply come
longing just to bring
something that's of worth
that would bless your heart
i bring you more than a song
for the song in itself
is not what you have required
you search much deeper within
than the way things appear
YOUR LOOKING INTO MY HEART
* im coming back to the heart of worship
when its all about you, its all about you JESUS
im sorry Lord for the things i made
when its all about you, its all about you JESUS
king of endless worth
no one could express
how much you deserve
though im weak and poor
all i have is yours
every single breath
i bring you more than a song
for the song in itself
is not what you have required
you search much deeper within
than the way things appear
YOUR LOOKING INTO MY HEART
GOD DOESNT APPRECIATE THE ART AS MUCH AS HE APPRECIATES THE HEART
how can we WORSHIP God if we dont LOVE Him? how can we LOVE him that we dont WORSHIP Him?
it is our HEARTS that God sees... not our voices... not our talents... nor anything that man sees... True worship is the one which comes from our heart... our innermost being... We worship God not because it is a requirement or anything... we worship Him out of LOVE and adoration.
PRAISE and WORSHIP is NOT the sound of music... but the SOUND OF THE HEART...
last night was a wonderful experience for me. we had a praise and worship night entitled "a heart for worship" at church. I was asked to lead the praise and worship for the finale after the exhortation of ptr dave (my brother! hehe!) i was shaking and chilling before going up the stage out of nervousness and cold temperature... but the very moment i stood up in front and held the mic, all my nervous feeling flew away so fast... you may not understand, but i really was overflowingly filled by the holy spirit that time... my singing, dancing, clapping and shouting was a manifestation of what's deeply in my heart... i was crying and giving each strength that i have while i was there in front. i was so blessed seeing all those people on fire to worship God... seeing them lift and clap their hands, sing and shout with all their voices, dancing as if God is the only one who's watching... i wanted to praise and worship God the whole night... i didn't want to stop... but then it has to come to an end... IT WAS THE BEST PRAISE AND WORSHIP THAT I EVER HAD...
i realized that praising and worshiping God is beyond music and singing... it's beyond a church routine... it is a lifestyle that we should live ever single day of our lives... that people would see in us the light that's in our hearts...
someday, up their in heaven, our praise and worship would be greater than ever... im so exited!!!
the girl.
