jenny. nyeneks. jen. twenty-one.
currently a bum, but not for long. youngest of five. singer. loves to eat. sentimental. luvs music. butterflies. christian.
trumpets
girl. grad team. joyclub.
about site.
version: three. simple things. host:blogger. tools: microsoft frontpage, adobe photo deluxe, loads of love. c",)
what about?
this
site is where she rants and blogs about her oh-so-colorful
life, sprinkled with the simple joys God has blessed her with.
today is the last day that i could spend with kuya ric before he leaves for marshall islands. he'll be leaving this coming sunday; and if i'll attend NC (which I most probably would) then, we only got today to be together.
he got a 2-year contract in marshall islands as an orthopaedic surgeon. so it means that i wont be seing him for the next couple of months.
when i read his card with his gift a while ago, saying, ingat ka lagi, i will miss you so much, i cried. i'm gonna miss him soooo bad. i cant imagine myself without him.
i dunno what would i do without him. he's my family.
who would eat lunch with me? who would play with amber with me? who would i share my experiences with when i get home? who would i watch NBA with? who would cook for me? who would check me always? i would i run to when i got short with my finances? who would i play text twist with? who would make me laugh always? who would i sing with? who would play piano for me? who would defend me? who would be my partner when im with my other brothers and sisters? who would i wake up in the morning? who would i lie down with on a bum day? who would defend me at home? who would understand my real situation at home?
he's the only one who trully knows and understands my pain in the family. i dunno what would happen to me without him.
for without him, i'll be alone again.
it's really sad.... soooo sad. im gonna miss him soooo much.
i love my brother.
now im having second thougths of attending NC, so that i could spend a little more time with him before he leaves. coz when i told him about NC, that i'll be gone the next day, he had sentiments on me-choosing-NC before him.
all my 20years of breathing, he's always around somewhere. and i cant imagine him gone, really.
guess i need to let him go now. it's really sad and painful, but im looking forward to see him again someday... stronger and mature than ever. i know that God has a purpose for this, and whatever it is, i know that its God's best plan for him. Im laying it all down to Jesus right now.
allow me to be sentimental this time. im crying this christmas. it's much sadder than i thought.
after our usual christmas eve gatherings with my relatives at my brother's house, we got to leave early so that we could have our noche buenas at our respective homes. it ended up that i feel confused on where to go. i hate the feeling that everybody else were looking forward on having noche buena's with their own families, but me and kuya ric.
christmas and family usually goes together... and thats the sad part about it. yeah, i know that i got a so-called "family". i got a dad, brothers and sisters. but things were just too complicated to explain. other families were inviting me over... but i prefer to be alone this time, and spend my christmas eve at my room.
i just cried, cried and uttered my prayers to God.
He knows what's in my heart right now, He knows how much pain i feel.
last night, i went to paskuhan in ust with riz and otherfriends.
when i arrived home, she welcomed me gladly. i can feel that she's sooo excited to see me. she missed me much. she ran towards me, jumped and moved around me. it seems that she wanted me to feed her, and to walk on streets with her. so i immediately picked her chain, and pulled her for a walk.
CHRISTMAS SHOPPING
8 o'clock in the morning, my sister woke me up. my gosh! we're supposed to leave at 7:30am! i wonder how long my alarm clock is ringing again without me noticing. haha. i only slept for like, 4-5 hours. im sooo sleepy!
i was trying to keep my eyes open. grrr...
my sister is my christmas shopping buddy since i was in third grade (yeah, i was giving my family a gift since third grade, but just cheap ones, like handkerchiefs and keychains! haha!) anyway, i got lots of winner-buys! i bought nice and cute childrens dresses for my nieces for like.. php75 each! haha, you woundn't notice how cheap it is! haha. i bought toys too for my nephews, for a hundred box. =) we also bought 3 for 100 dresses and girly toys for other kids we know.
but i felt suffocated! seeing thousands of people bumping against each other, noise pollution, air pollution, whaaa!!!! makes me wanna throw up! there are clothes in all directions. toys left and right. people telling you "pili na miss" everywhere you go! whaaa!!!! we walked a couple of blocks, and went there without eating any. we're sooo hungry and soooo tired and sooo sleepy!
ohh well, im still not done with my christmas shopping *scratch head* i still need to buy gifts for my dad, my brothers and my sisters. whhoo! i got 5 more days left.
i'm "home alone" for 3 days. everyone at home, but me, left for baguio this morning.
i need to stay here coz i got 3 meetings and 2 christmas parties on friday. and aside from that, nobody will look after amber (my dog). =( someone has to watch over her. and since kuya ric decided to join them, it only means that i should stay. at least, kuya ric could go to baguio even before he leaves for marshall islands in 2 weeks. =(
i got to do all the household chores in 3 days, like cook my own food, wash the dishes, clean the house, wash my clothes, iron my clothes, feed amber, wash amber, walk amber, clean my room, clean kuya ric's room. clean amber's mess. whoo!!
it's kinda sad living alone. i hope that i wont be alone forever... wishing that someday, i could spend my lifetime with someone. =)
last night, i was invited to sing and prepare a devotion/testimony for the young adult's accoustic night in faith fellowship ministry center. i was so scared and nervous before the program started. i was sooo cold and my heart was beating 10 times faster than the usual. I dont usually get sooo scared when singing in front of a crowd... but that time was different. i dunno if i felt that way because of the people there... or its just me.
i told riz that my greatest fear in singing and sharing a devotion/testimony, is when i speak without an impact... as if my words enter their one ear, and leaves on the other. im afraid that they won't listen and care to what ever i'll say. thinking that most of the people there were older than me, and probably more spiritually mature than i am. they might have already known the word's that i'll speak... and just hear "blaablabla" in me. i was so afraid.
but i was reminded to just keep my focus on Jesus. thinking that i have 1 lone audience... and that's God. imagining... as if the place was empty... but Jesus sitting in the middle, watching me sing and listening to the words that i speak. realizing that i was there for God, and not for anybody else... and it's not me who would speak and sing to the people... but the holy spirit. im but an instrument... nothing more, nothing less.
i sang and spoke to them smoothly and comfortably. just as if im chatting with my old friends and singing my nursery rhymes. it was free flowing. i even imagined God standing somewhere at the back, smiling so sweetly at me. my 4 songs and my back-to-back testimony outline passed unnoticed. i just left the stage with my normal walk, uttering my thanks to God while returning to my seat. as for me, whether people appreciated it or not, it doesn't matter, as long as my God is pleased with my offering... it's far more than enough.
towards the end of the program, the leader of "cross rhythm", a singing group from campus crusade for Christ (they sang after me) approched me, and asked if they could invite to their ministry. they called themselves music ministers (cool, right?). so we exchanged contact infos. after that, she affirmed me and told me that their group was blessed with my voice and my testimony. and i cant forget her last words, she said to me alam mo, sabi ng mga kasama ko... ang ganda daw ng puso mo. my heart melted... my tears almost fell for joy. that was one of the best affirmations that i received from someone i never knew. im sooo glad because they saw my heart above anything else.
God never ceases to surprise me. aside from that heart warming affirmation, after the program, i met this girl and she told me that while i was singing and speaking in front, she was crying and crying. i never noticed those kind of reactions while i was there with all the lights. I dont know what she's going throught right now, but for sure, God spoke to her... and not me.
still, God gave me another surprise. while walking at the back, a girl told me that there were 2 people who wrote letters for me, and so she gave it to me. i never knew who those 2 people were, up to this very moment. but reading those appreciations and words of encouragement from them, made me much happier. and aside from those letters that i still have with me right now, i received text messages of affirmation. telling how blessed they were.
normi even called with her cellphone just to hear me sing. isn't that so sweet? (thanks norms!)
but then, i know very well that i am but an instrument. i was NOT the one who sang... i was NOT the one who spoke.
yeah, i havent blogged for a week... so just let me rant my random thoughts =)
.: sisters :. the other night, i went to my sisters house (just a ride away from our place). ohh, well.. i missed her. we haven't talked about serious stuffs or went out for quite a while. we used to talk often, eat out, go shopping and all. but now, we were so busy with other things.
we just talked, and talked. she shared to me her personal struggles at the moment. as she defines, she's walking in the wilderness right now. her life is kinda difficult and full of tests.
how i wish i could give her a hand. but all i can do right now, is to utter a prayer for her.
.: bum :. for the past couple of nights, riz and i were spending our bum hours together doing nothing. hehe. ohh well, its not really "nothing". we talk, eat, talk, eat, and... ahh.. talk, and... eat.. and... uhh... it's too difficult to remember it all. hehe. =) ITS FUN TO BE A BUM! yey! *apir riz
.: final evaluation :. i went to ibm last wednesday to get my final evaluation from my ex-boss. i just wanna share it here. =)
"very good interpersonal relation, and she was able to meet our expectations when it comes to quality of work"
"jenny's contribution to our department for the past 6 months is very huge because of her efficiency, willingness to learn new things and apply it as well as sharing it with the team. she was able to accomplish a lot of things. We even had requested for her extension because we know that the knowledge she learned is still needed to close out some projects, but unfortunately it is against the law to have an ojt extend 6 months of training. she is a great person."
.: i love my brother :. i spend most of my time at home with my brother. we were closer than ever. i so much appreciate his concern for me. he's my family. =) im gonna miss him badly when he leaves for marshall islands. one of these days, i'll blog a longer one about him. =) *hugs to kuya ric*
.: tamaraws christian fellowship :. last week, kuya teddy asked me on what name should we give our IV chapter. he suggested me to keep the name "tamaraws christian fellowship" coz it was the name of our main university's IV chapter decades ago. but i didn't agree with him at first, since the upper classmen of our college have not fully accepted the merging of the main university and our college... including me.
but i remembered our college president, delivering a speach about this "merging" thing, and encouraging us to be proactive about the current situation. his words inspired me to accept the reality and not act against it. at the first place, the younger batches haven't felt the "merging" thing... for them, we all look the same.
yeah, we have to be proactive about this. time will come, the members of our chapter wouldn't even notice whose from our college, and whose from the main. we will all just be a member of one family... the tamaraws christian fellowship. =)
.: national conference :. im praying to attend the national conference of IVCF this coming dec 26-30. i really want to know more about the ministry of IVCF. i still need to learn a lot about campus ministry before leading our chapter next year. but i still dont have money to pay for it. all i know is that, if God wants me to join NC, then, He will provide. =)
.: accoustic night :. I'll be singing 4 songs and deliver a short devotion at the accostic night of Faith Fellowship Ministry Center this coming saturday. i had a rehersal there last sunday afternoon and personally met brokensaint, bluewhale, iking, chey, glaiza, and other people from pinoysaints. yey! i had a great time with them.
.: mark dude :. mark and i went out, days ago. we just ate at sbarro, and watched the scarry movie 3. haha! he's my closest guy friend... and a lot of people from our college thought that he's my boyfriend. haha! haha! hahaha! i appreciate this guy much. thanks dude for the treat, and for the chords of "simple things", you're the best! *hugs*
.: trying my best to memorize :. i already got a portion of the script for our play next year. our college director, who's coordinating with me, told me that i have to memorize the script until saturday. the other roles for the play is open for audition on that day, and she's requesting me to watch it. every body else will audition for a character, but me, haha, i already got the role without any audition. haha.
to be honest, i hate the script! it's toooo deep, really deep filipino words. for example:
kahinahunang naaangkop sa masusing pag-aaral sa mga pangyayari sa kapaligiran. kahinahunang nagbibigay ng sapat na panahon upang pairalin ang isip laban sa naglalatang na poot sa damdamin another one:
huwag mong hatulan ang tunay na nilalaman ng kanyang damdamin. hindi siya dapat husgahan ng walang sapat na batayan!
haha! pathetic script, its really funny! sooo corny! forgive me filipino play lovers... but i just really dont like it. =) believe me, im trying my best to appreciate it's beauty, and not laugh while memorizing it... but its sooo hard! so help me God! =)
aryt.. that's it for now folks. =)
btw, im not that sad anymore. =) i can now smile... =) see? =) hehe.
have you ever felt sad and not knowing why you do so? ohh well, that's what i feel right now.
i attended our BS this afternoon at school. it was a great year-ender BS for us, i should say. we had a fun time together. today is even the time that we got the biggest number of attendees since we started last june. it was a great time of sharing, laugher and praises!
but just after our BS ended, while walking with the rest of the group, i just felt sad. it was the first time that they saw me sooo queit. its not normal. they were all trying to chear me up.. i can see their efforts. but i just dont feel like laughing or making jokes. im not the usual jolly and jumpy me.
i dunno if im sad because of nothingless, or im just pretending that im sad for no reason. i dunno.
JUSTIFICATION
God's act of threating us as if we had never sinned
i came across the meaning of the word justification during our BS at the student center. it's so amazing to realize that we are justified by Jesus.
i've made a lot of mistakes in my life... mistakes that still hunt me at times... yet, it feels great to know that God is treating me, as if i've never sinned.
i recalled a lot of things from my past... the sad and painful ones... and how God used those experiences to make me stronger in Him.
I came from nowhere... I had nothing... I had no one... yet he chose me, he loved me, and justified me, just like that.
the girl.
