jenny. nyeneks. jen. twenty-one.
currently a bum, but not for long. youngest of five. singer. loves to eat. sentimental. luvs music. butterflies. christian.
trumpets
girl. grad team. joyclub.
about site.
version: three. simple things. host:blogger. tools: microsoft frontpage, adobe photo deluxe, loads of love. c",)
what about?
this
site is where she rants and blogs about her oh-so-colorful
life, sprinkled with the simple joys God has blessed her with.
this is the continuation of my previous blog... better yet, read that one first before reading this.
after my last blog, i attended my class in minsyst... my major class. actually, it's the only class that i still did'nt ask permission with.. regarding my advance finals. i got no prob with 4 out of 5 of my finals any more... but this 1 terror prof said "NO" after i asked him. he was firm with his decision. i felt so terrible.
i wondered... is KC really meant for me? Does God want me to be there? why is all these happening? i cant understand. im so confused... and teary while i continuously uttered my prayers.
everything is beyond my comprehension already... and if i'll be going to KC, it will defenitely be a miracle.
here's the plan, this is what i think i could do:
PLAN A: go to KC, join all the other delegates... but during my finals in minsyst, i'll go back to manila.. and back to KC again after the exam.
risk: i need to raise another amount for my air fare.. back and forth from cebu to manila.
PLAN B: go to KC after my finals in minsyst
risk: ill be 1 week and 3 days delayed to KC... that would cause me so much in terms of interacting with people, developing friendships, and i wouldnt be attending a lot of sessions.
PLAN C: give up KC
risk: many to mention.
all i know now is that... IF GOD WANTS ME TO BE THERE, HE WILL MAKE A WAY. i dont wanna worry on any single thing about KC any more... because 1 thing's for sure, if it's God's will for me to attend KC, he will handle everything.
last night, i asked God for a sign. I prayed that He will do something BIG for me to realize that it's His plan for me to go to KC... just 1 BIG thing.
guess what... here's THE BIG NEWS:
when i logged-in to YM awhile ago... i received a couple of off line messages... and at the bottom of all my messages, i received 1 from kuya ric... my brother in Marshall islands. I've been waiting for his message several weeks ago... and it was my acid test to KC. here goes his message:
rmt_bonestock: okay. birthday gift and graduation gift na, hehehe. try ko padala money sa friend ko who will leave on thursday for philippines. papuntahan mo na lang kay kuya nikos, sa paranaque nakatira. i'll get his phone number and home address. miss you sis. pa-regalo ka na lang ng cell phone kay kuya, hehehe. miss you. and amber too. bye.
i was crying and crying and crying! it was trully a miracle! =) i cant help but feel so much blessed! i can imagine God smiling at me when he saw me reading my brother's message in tears. this is so much! He is indeed a gracious and generous God!
and another thing, my sister told me this afternoon that kuya john, our family friend said that he will financially support me to KC! yey! another blessing!
this is soooo much!
Lord, thank you so much... thank you, thank you, thank you. this KC experience is for you Lord... just for you. indeed, you love me so much... and you're blessing my abundandly... your grace is sufficient for me.. and your giving me more that what is enough. i love you so much. i know that im not worthy of anything, yet you're blessing me so much... i dont deserve this Lord. thanks again. love you Lord.
BIRTHDAY BLOG
i didn't do much today... seems ordinary. guess im really a grown up now... no more baloons, cake, party hats and all. hehe.
but im really glad counting 21 years of God's faithfulness. looking back... it makes me smile and say that i got the best life anyone on earth could ever have! i had a very colorful, adventurous and really amazing 21 years! (but it's too much to blog them all. hehe.)
After a long process of waiting and praying for God's answer if I should attend KC or not, I finally got a go signal to fight for Kawayan Camp. Believe me... ITS NOT AN EASY PROCESS.
I had to consult a lot of people and seek prayers from my circle of Christian friends. After realizing how God is working in me and will all my concerns, and how He leads me to KC... made me say "yes, I will go to KC" to those people who waited for my answer for several months.
Imagine, i need to raise at least Php13,000 just for the transpo and camp fee for 1 week... and aside from that, I still need to pay for the camp shirt, manuals, books, 1 month supply of personal stuffs, and pocket money of course. Duh? Where will I get that? I got nothing to pay for all of those!
Last Saturday, I was taking to one of the staff workers, and we were talking about my situation and my concerns. I mentioned to her that I got mainly 5 items to consider before I decide to go to KC:
1. my dog amber, I need someone to watch over her.
2. my graduation requirements, I need to fix them all before I leave
3. my final exams, I need to ask permission to my college profs to give me advance finals
4. my projects and other class deliverables; I got numbers of project papers to finish, interviews to do, etc. im flooded with class requirements and I need to finish them all in 1 week.
5. finances. i got nothing to pay.
She prayed for me after our conversation... I knew that God will do something wonderful and miraculous in this situation. Im excited to see how things will work out. But after we prayed she said something like this "baka sabi ni Lord, I can give you more than that... yan lang ba kelangan mo? Napakaliit lang nyan sa kaya kong ibigay. Baka minamaliit mo lang ako."
It was "feel good". Imagine, that day was supposed to be the deadline for the transpo payment, and I got nothing to pay, but somebody just told me to go there at the IV home and bring my school ID... and he will take care of my transpo fee. Isnt it great? And another thing, before the day ended, somebody texted me, and asked me about KC, she said that she will give me some amount after she got her salary... amazing.
I thought all the while that everything will turn out just fine... im expecting great things to happen for the next week. But yesterday was terrible...
When I went to church, I forgot to bring my cell phone because I was in a hurry. If im not mistaken, I left it in my bed. The day passed... and I went home at night. And guess what happen? MY PHONE IS BROKEN! Amber bitten it like a bone. I was crying so hard last night. it was wrecked when I got home... torn into pieces in my door map. =( I was terribly depressed.
i used to just wonder where will I get my funds for KC, and now... im also thinking on where will I get the money to fix my phone. I only got 1 week left!!! =(
I surrender... with my both hands up. I acknowledge that im nothing, I have nothing, and I can do nothing. I fully surrender to my master's plan... I'll let him do all the works... His will not mine.
Believe me, it's so hard to trust and have faith when you cant imagine the impossible to happen. I cant comprehend, nor understand the work of His hands... It's really a struggle... all I know is that my master is doing something great and amazing in me and through me.
i said "no" to KC already yet, i submitted the application form this afternoon! haha!
i finally gave up KC, yet there are still a lot of people who believes that I'll be attending this camp. i closed the door already, yet there are others who pushes the door, and they have so much faith that im meant to be a KC delegate.
this morning, my dear staff texted me something like this... "even if you're not sure to attend KC, just drop by the IV home"... so as a good and obedient follower of my dear adviser, staff and kuya... i went there without knowing why i should i go there! hehe.
almost everyone that i came across with says "magke-KC ka?" =) and i just answered them all with a smile... and whispered "di pa ko sure eh..."
i had to talk to a lot of people, discussed about my concerns, and some even prayed for me.
i dunno why i went there at the first place, and why i signed the application form... but atleast, i got another week to decide if i should or should not go to KC. i dunno where to get all the Php13,000 that i'll be spending.. whoo! but if God really wants me there, he will surely make a way.
i remember, one of the staff workers said before she leaves "jenny, i still believe that you'll gonna be at KC... see yah at KC!" =) hehe. they got so much faith indeed.
i'll be singing on our church service this coming sunday... entitled "my soul is in your hands" by natalie grant. i can very much relate to its lyrics now... it sends shivers to my spine whenever i digest its words... pretty freaky! just wanna share a portion of it.
no eyes see
no ear has heard
what God has prepared for all those
who leave their all will behind and follow Him
so i surrender to you
i give to you everything
show me what to do
i will give to you
all that i am
im placing my soul in your hands...
i surrender all my plans to my master's hands. i completely lay it all down to His feet. He can take all He wants from me... for he owns me, and it is my desire to please Him above all else. It's painful though to give up something good, yet i know that my master knows what's best.
Lord, your will, not mine...
nothing more, nothing else...
Lord, thanks for our long talk last night regarding KC (kawayan camp). you know very well my concerns if ever i will or will not attend this month-long camp in cebu. i surrender to your great will and plan Lord.
and now that my long awaited email did not arrive on or before IVCF's deadline... guess it only means that its not your will for me to be a KC delegate.
it's kinda sad Lord realizing that i will never experience KC anymore, but i know that i have joy in my heart... knowing that you have a better plan for me.
thank you Lord because i'll have more time to finish my graduation requirements and other class deliverables, i can take my final exams on time, i can take care of my dog and i wont be thinking about the camp fee anymore.
whatever you want Lord... i'll accept. and whether or not i'll attend KC.. i'll love you just the same. I praise you Father because all things work together for my good. i surrender to you.
With only less than 5 hours of sleep, i went straight to mrt, north ave station to meet up with my friend, in my corporate look. From the ayala station, we had a long walk going to LV Locsin bldg, in makati ave cor ayala ave. With our empty stomachs, we rode an elevator going to the 11th floor, and there we found another applicant sitting in the couch.
After a 20-minute-long interview with the HR head, 3 head twisting examinations, and a disturbing stomach-ache... the 1st part of the job application has finally ended. whooo! It was terrible!
We walked from the office to glorietta to eat lunch... and later on, we decided to walk around the mall, cross land mark and tour around greenbelt 4... and another journey from greenbelt 4 to land mark to glorietta to mrt, ayala station. whoooo! sooo tiring.
From the cubao station, I rode a bus going to kamuning-kamias, and had another long walk going to sct. Fuentebella ext.(coz there are no public transpo available there). After I got my allowance there for 10 minutes, I had to walk again back to edsa... and rode another bus going to ortigas.
While waiting for my friend in Robinsons galleria, I walked around the mall for a couple of minutes. When my friend arrived, we decided to have our “coffee session” at Podium… so we had to walk again from Robinsons to Podium. And when we reached podium, we walked around the mall again to look for a coffee shop with a couch. =) hehe. (couches in a coffee shop is an unquestionable requirement, hehe)
After 5 hours of conversation over coffee, we walked towards mega mall. And in edsa, I finally rode a bus going home! yey!
And not just that, when I arrived home, I had a walk again with my dog around the block! Haha.
Im in the middle of deciding whether or not i should attend KC or not. it's a month-long camp in cebu by IVCF. I only got 5 more days to decide. There are only limited slots, and im priviledged to have one.
if i'll be attending KC, then i have to take my final exams in advance, i have to raise BIG funds, i have to finish all my requirements ahead of time, and i have to look for someone to watch over my dog. =) i dunno where to leave amber yet, if ever i'll be attending KC. tsk tsk.
all i know is that if God wants me to join KC, then he'll do all the works.
JOB INTERVIEW
just before i woke up this morning, somebody called me up. With my sleepy voice, i answered her... and later on, i learned that she's from inteltech inc.. Some I.T. company in makati. She told me that she scheduled me for a job interview and examination tomorrow. haha! too soon! i was so shocked! so she gave me their company address, and gave me some notes for tomorrow.
so i got to prepare now my corporate attire, and review my professional ethics. hehe. =)
[MARCH11]
compsoc officers' meeting. Yellow cab, morayta. Pizza. Yummy. Note take. 6-10pm. Schedule of activities. Deadlines: minutes of the meeting, documentation for technowars, announcement, election mechanics. Turnover to next year's officers. Debate. Argument. Apologies.
Sem-ender BS. Faith, aiza and joevier's house. vicente cruz, manila. 7th floor. Roof top. Ended at 1am. Most beautiful moon I've ever seen at 10:20pm. Amazing. Overlooking. Adobo. Orange juice. Best foot forward. Affirmations. God's faithfulness. IVCF Graduates Team. "you have been my source of encouragement whenever I look at the ministry and see that God is indeed moving in the life of young people" - staff.
Its been months since God asked me to work on this ministry, to lead my campus to my master's feet. And now, as I count my last days as a college student, im still not contented with a few numbers of students, and only BS meetings... and I believe that God wants more than that too. Though im graduating, I feel that God is not done with me, and my call to my campus yet... and I see this season as just the end of the beginning. There are still a lot of works to do, a lot of souls to reach and a lot of leaders to disciple. Students in my campus need Jesus... and it is my passion to bring them closer to by best friend. I want them to enjoy the fellowship with God the same way I experience it. Though I wont be committing as a full time staff worker, I know that I can still do a lot. Im planning to commit as a GT member, but I still need to pray for it.
I still love the corporate world, and I believe that God wants me to be there too... to be the light in the industry. Yet I wont be letting go of supporting my campus in every way I can. I wont stop pursuing this call until the day I see the promise of the One who orchestrated this wonderful plan in my campus.
[MARCH12]
LRT fellowship. Comopolitan church. Taft ave. kick off party for the graduating students. Touched and encourage by the introduction about me, hehe. Diploma. Pansit. Bonding. Butterflies *blush*. Walk along LRT. Sweet. Memories, *sigh*. Kilig, hehe.
[MARCH13]
NC volunteers outing. ivcf. club manila east. taytay, rizal. Swimming pool. Did not swim. Cottage. Guitar. Jamming. Enjoy. Kuya teddy. Food. Barbecue. Fish fillet. Pasit malabon. Yummy. Rest, rest, rest. 7am at IV home. Fun. Sun. IV pipz. Laugher.
Ohh well, I still need to do a lot, I got deadlines for tomorrow, but what am I doing??? Blogging. Hehe. Whatalife!
Upon going through my organizer a while ago, i realized that i only got 3 weeks of classes left. whaaaa!!!!! and i got dozens of deliverables to finish in less than a month. whaaa!!!! these projects were given to us months back, but still, lazy as i am... i did not do any. haha. and now i have to suffer, as a consequence of my actions. tsk tsk.
now, i cant stop thinking of what i should do. its past midnight and my adrenaline is still at its active state. ohh well, i know im insomniac and working on midnight is but an ordinary thing to me. haha. so whats the difference anyway? hehe. *scratch head*
i know i must work, I know where my attention is much needed... but i lack in actions. *scratch head* i need to move my muscles and my bones. i need to do something.
i remember last monday, one of our professors (our college registrar also) was telling us the possibility that we wont graduate this May because of our grades. i was scared... so scared. What if I wont graduate this May??? whaaa!!!
so while I still have a little more time to move my hands and use my mind, i'll be managing my time and responsibilities well. It's time to get up, and enjoy a student's life for the last time. =)
i have to work on my commitments and my responsibilities. its time to wake up.
1st things 1st. to do's: personal: clean my room. clean my room. clean my room. (have I said clean my room already?) haha. change bed sheet. wash carpet. fix my clothes. buy dog food. give amber bath. kill ALL pests. get allowance from kamuning. pay mark.
school: borrow "business organization and management" book from the library. look for a client in busipro. fix project paper in busipro. contact kuya jake from IVCF. conduct interview to client in softdev. write project/system proposal in softdev. print hardcopy of minsyst lectures. prepare proposal for the Finals activity in rizlife. study for exams in behasci and rizlife tom. debug cobol program in softdev.
others: send resume to tay egay in ibm. attend compsoc officers meeting. schedule outing with college friends. schedule badminton with college friends. bring photo album to kuya nix.
well, thats all i remember now. maybe I can still add something later.
PEST ATTACK
Amber is under pest attack. more than a month ago, I already removed all her pests, and now it's coming back. grrrrr... i got all sorts of Pet guard products again, from shampoo to powder. i got daily sessions with amber now, just to get rid of all those pests. She's having wounds and scars because of it. Hope that it will soon be all gone.
BADMINTON GALORE
im very much addicted to badminton now, but im still not an expert though. like I play at least twice a week. =) I usually play at C4 in malabon, or at shuttles best in university hills, caloocan, or at serve and smash in araneta ave. im really not the sporty kinda girl, but I do love badminton a lot. In our family, I used to be the only person who doesnt have any sport. My brothers and sister are great in playing bowling, basketball (yeah, my sis used to play basketball every Saturday), table tennis, lawn tennis, etc. etc. I mean, they dont just play for the sake of playing... but they play really well. And im the demure, modest and sweet little girl who plays nothing but lego and barbie dolls. haha. but now, I feel happy because I found a sport that I can call my own. =)
im working on improving my back hand and service. I need to practice my defense on my brothers' smash. ohh well, I still need to improve a lot. hehe.
I got a bad game this afternoon though, but I hope to recover on tomorrow's game.
in the quietness of the night, where my empty soul speaks... in this room where I call my home, sees all tears, and hears all weeps of my heart. Here, I can freely remove the smiling and cheerful mask that I wear, and just be myself. I need not pretend to be happy.
They think Im strong, but the truth is... im not. Im but a weak child who cries when alone in the dark. They think Im brave, and faces all fears with courage... but the reality is, im but a coward who hides under my bed during fight. Im but a little girl who enjoys playing Barbie dolls, who calls for her mom for help, and who cries on wounded knees.
In this battlefield, I hold my armor with shaking knees and with sweat all over my body. I know Im standing on solid rock, yet sadness weakens me. Each rising of the sun means another lonesome day in my isolated world. Reality kills me... indeed, im all by myself.
I search for hope in this world of hopelessness that all these will soon end. This sorrow covers the bright future I used to see, as my excitement to live bountiful unfolding dies down with tears. Im a soul in despair, yet holds on to the unseen promise of the one who purposefully created me.
he: do you know that I can see that in your eyes... and others can see that too. how do you handle it? It's a daily struggle.
then... I could not reply anymore. i could not think of anything to say, but I just cried and cried. I've been fighting for this loneliness for a long time, and his message emphasized the feeling more. I felt lonelier... and alone. I don't know how to answer his question... because deep in my heart, I know that one of my deepest struggles now is spending my everyday with myself, dreaming and achieving for myself, surviving for myself and comforting myself. I dream alone, work alone and achieve alone.
I don't know how to handle it. each morning means another day of spending alone with myself again. I long to love and be loved. I desire to be appreciated. I want to share my happy moments with other people. I got so much to give, I got so much to share, but I got no one. I long for a family to care for me, and to comfort me. I want to live my life for other people's sake... I don't want to live for myself anymore.
I live in my room, separated from our house. I spend my whole day here alone if I got no classes. I'd rather not to stay in our house where I'm not welcome by my stepfamily. I prefer not to go to my brothers and sisters house, for they're too busy with their own families. guess I got no choice but to spend my days with my dog, amber. *sigh* if only amber can speak, listen and care like a human being, maybe my life could have been better.
guess Im one of those few dependent individuals who live independently. maybe if I got lost or if I went away, no one would even notice. It's no fun. this journey seems to be so long, im tired living this kind of life already. I don't want to cry and hide inside my box anymore. I hate to be alone, but I dont want to beg for attention. I feel no special and unimportant. Im just remembered by people if they need something from me, but if they need none, they wouldnt even care.
i dont wanna be alone anymore ='(
ITS BEEN A DECADE
my mom died 10 years ago in US. it was winter night, she was on her way home with her sister when her asthma attacked... and the rest is history.
i miss my mom so much. if only i could cry out like a child to her right now and hug her tight, i would. i love her so bad.
for the past weeks, our block (the whole graduating CIS-SSE batch) was busy reporting a case to our college administration regarding our BEHASCI (behavioral science) prof.
a lot of people says that our prof is kinda... weirdo. hehe. its "no big deal" at first. we had nothing against her questionable attitude and teaching style.. until he humiliated and accused one of our classmates. She shouted at him in front of the class and the rest was history.
What our block did was, we submitted an incident report to the administration, my classmate who was humiliated also submitted another incident report, and his brother submitted another case report. The case was soooo big that everyone in the college talks about it. We had a meeting with the Chair for General Education last week, and expressed our piece.
the problem with this is that if the case fails, it could cause our graduation to delay. But we all know that we're fighting for a cause and that the adminstration is on our side. During our meeting with the Chair for GE, he also told us what our prof did to him. he was by-passed. This is the reason why he keeps on pushing us to continue this case.
last monday, we had a new prof in that class. They changed our prof already. yey! Its great that the admin had a fast response to our incident report. The chair for GE had a speach in class before he introduced our new prof. he told us that we will start from scratch.. as in ZERO. everything that was recorder before will be scrapped! yey! the whole class was clapping ang very happy. Then our new prof had a lecture with the subject, starting from the introduction. but in the middle of the discussion, our old prof came.. i can feel the tension in our classroom. she returned our notebooks, reports, and other materials that we submitted to her. whoo..
But eventhough we got a new prof, it doest mean that the case is over. not yet. there are still more "exciting" happenings to come.
the girl.
