jenny. nyeneks. jen. twenty-one.
currently a bum, but not for long. youngest of five. singer. loves to eat. sentimental. luvs music. butterflies. christian.
trumpets
girl. grad team. joyclub.
about site.
version: three. simple things. host:blogger. tools: microsoft frontpage, adobe photo deluxe, loads of love. c",)
what about?
this
site is where she rants and blogs about her oh-so-colorful
life, sprinkled with the simple joys God has blessed her with.
i went to terrazas this morning with my brother and his family, and some family friends. i watched over my crazy nephews and nieces the whole day and im terribly tired. whoo! but the place is really great. after staying at terrazas for some hours.. we went straight to punta fuego to eat and chat around.
sometimes, i wish that im an insensitive person whose emotion is artificial. i wish that i can easily command my mind to stop thinking of the things that i dont wanna think about... that i can control my heart on what i think should feel.. and believe of what i think i should. but the reality is.. the human system is not like that!
last week, i was informed that IVCF will drop their support to Tamaraws Christian Fellowship (our IV chapter) this school year, due to the limited number of staff workers.
this only means that, the option is now on me... whether or not i'll continue the ministry.
i honesty feel so scared.. and i even cried when i heard the news. but deep in my heart, i know very well that God wants me to continue the work that He has begun in me. my confusion that time was not about, whether or not i'll pursue the ministry... but, it was about questioning my ability and capacity on it.
i cant afford to loose the students that we've gathered before, the vision that we had in mind, the new students that we could soon invite and the spiritual growth and maturity that the students could experience in our campus org.
i got limited knowledge on campus ministry, im not that good on bible study leading, i know little on campus management, and im poor on people-coordination. i feel that im inadequate for this work... that im not good enough. i even worry on my sched when i already got a job.
things are really confusing right now... and God is indeed breaking me into pieces-in all the aspects of my life. but i know that God is searching the brokeness in me, to be used for His glory. all i need is to be fully dependent on Him... for i am nothing, i can do nothing, and i can have nothing.. without Him.
this is my song for the moment.. i just wanna share it here. =)
as bread that is broken
many hearts are hungry tonight
many trapped in darkness yearn for the light
so many who are far from home
and many who are lost
oh, Lord your wounded children
needs the power of the cross
as bread that is broken
use our lives
as wine that is poured out
a living sacrifice
empower us Father
to share the love of Christ
as bread that is broken Lord
use our lives
help us to begin where we are
help us love the people near to our hearts
and give our faith a mission field
wherever you may call
Lord, love the world through each of us
until we've touched them all...
im up for the challenge, Lord. and im excited to see the great plan you've instored for us. enable me.. and help me to be fully dependent on You alone, and to carefully listen to every instruction that You'll give. use me as an instrument of Your love and grace. thank you for this opportunity and for this call... for im not worthy of this. help the students to see You in me.. and make me a good testimony to them as well. whatever the cause might be... im willing to follow. i love you Lord. =)
nyeneks: grabe, sobrang nalungkot ako sa news mo last week
nyeneks: before ko matangap yun... nagkausap na kami nila aiza and faith
nyeneks: pati si joevier
nyeneks: 4 ata yung bagong contacts
nyeneks: ewan ko ba
nyeneks: *sigh*
teddy: well u did say u wer considering being in ministry, either part time o full time, so i guess this is the opportunity
nyeneks: with or without the support ng IV... my calling is still a calling...
nyeneks: my committment is still my committment..
nyeneks: nakakalungkot lang..
nyeneks: and i feel na parang di ko pa kaya
nyeneks: i feel that the work is too great for me..
nyeneks: pero, kung ano man, ayoko pa din sila iwan
nyeneks: im scared.
teddy: mabuti yan dat u feel inadequate. kasi if you feel kaya mo, u wont depend on God anymore
teddy: mahirap sa ministry pag we rely on our owns strength,wisdom and ability
teddy: its a reality that is somehow harder to live by
teddy: i know that especially when i dont pray as much as i should
teddy: pero pag pumalpak saka palang ko na-rerealize na dis is God pa rin
teddy: and it is His work
teddy: kaya d nya pababayaan
nyeneks: *sigh*
i was in tears... im so scared.
i'll soon share the details about this... its a loooong story.
in this time of uncertainty... frustrations bugged me again. thoughts about finding a job, responsibilities as a GT, TCF activities, business, how to earn an income, asking for allowance, liabilities, feeding amber, globe phone bill, looking for a multinational company, studying VB, commitments, responsibilities, chores and others... drains my brain.
well, as wikoy says:
"Yep, hirap mag-intay, and it's quite hard to know kasi You'll really never know whether you did it right or wrong.... really need to wait. Read the Bible, maybe through that you'll get hints from Him.
Uhm, tulad nga ng sinasabi nila sa lahat, first time is always the hardest.... anything from good to bad. Pero once you got through the first one, you're going to like it all the way... try mo lang, magugustuhan mo din yan... sana...
...don't worry, God is in control." thanks, wikwik.
i dunno. i guess the best thing to do is just wait and pray. this circumstance is just another situation beyond my control... but one thing i know for sure, ALL these things work together for good. i may not understand and know when or how God will answer all these questions i have in mind, but all i know is that, this is God's best for me.
time will come, all the little pieces of my life will be interconnected, both good and bad... and the purpose God has designed for me will just be fulfilled according to His riches and glory. this situation is but a little piece of my life... so i better make the best out of it.
as i end this, i should say that i still feel frustrated... but i know that tomorrow, this feeling will just be gone with the wind, as if i never felt this way... for i have peace within me. pls pray for me. i need it badly.
the girl.
