jenny. nyeneks. jen. twenty-one.
currently a bum, but not for long. youngest of five. singer. loves to eat. sentimental. luvs music. butterflies. christian.
trumpets
girl. grad team. joyclub.
about site.
version: three. simple things. host:blogger. tools: microsoft frontpage, adobe photo deluxe, loads of love. c",)
what about?
this
site is where she rants and blogs about her oh-so-colorful
life, sprinkled with the simple joys God has blessed her with.
NOW I SING MY LAST GOODBYE.. (also posted at my tab)
In that 1 minute call, i broke down. I literally fell on the ground, catching my breath and wept aloud.
My worst nightmare, my dreaded day, my feared moment came to reality without any warning. My heart was taken away from me.. now the wounds are too great to heal. I was crushed up to my limit.. I could bear it no more.
Pain, sickness, suffering.. name it, these are all in this season of my life. I thought, things would be better that day, but I was all wrong.. pain and sufferings grew 10 times more. I was crushed to dust.
The Lord and I were doing great. We talk almost every moment.. His presence never left my side.. I feel it. And now, I remember Job. As if I hear God saying "have you considered my servant Jenny?" of course, Job’s suffering is far from mine.. but just the same, it came beyond what I could handle. I was weeping my heart out. All I know now is that the Lord is in control.. and He loves me just the same. He had this moment on His mind long ago, and He knew that I can get through.
Though I know that the Lord is with me, my pain is still very real. Days have passed and my eyes still sore. Tears I cant control flowing from my eyes from the moment I wake up, till I fall asleep. Im still hurting so deep.
I remember Abraham, sacrificing his son Isaac. He loved him so much.. and carefully prayed for him for several years. Yet, he had to sacrifice him not because of his personal will, but out of obedience to his First love. As if I feel Abrahams pain.. as if im on top of the mountain, carrying the wood and fire for the burnt offering.. and there I laid my heart, my heart that is so precious and important to me.. this is the best of me.. and the best sacrifice that I could offer. This is the most precious gift that I could give my First love.
Now, I gave it all. What is left of me is my breath and my bed. All that is important and necessary for me are gone. Sometimes, I cant help but pray to take even my last breath away. I long for paradise.. where I can just rest my aching soul, where I can feed my hungry body, where I can have companions to be with, where I can find all that I need.
All I have is gone. Now, Im coming to the Lord empty and naked.. nothing left to offer because I gave it all already. Im nothing. All I can do is look up, praise and thank Him for keeping me through.
In chains, I will praise the Lord. In hunger, I will praise the Lord. In sickness, in tears, in pain, in sufferings, in emptiness, in hurt, in persecution, in abandonment.. I WILL PRAISE THE LORD! Until the last beat of my heart, I will worship Him. And there is nothing you can do to take Him away from me. You, enemy, you will never win. The victory is ours to keep.
Lord, I may never understand now, but I trust You.. I trust Your sovereign will upon my life. I surrender to Your mighty hands. Im very weak right now.. uphold me, comfort me, carry me in Your loving arms. You have my life Lord, do whatever You want from it. I cannot carry on a single minute without You. Never let me go.. I need You Lord.
I pray that you’ll comfort him also. Give him strength and wisdom. Give him peace in his heart. Love him like You always do. Help him to stand strong for You. I know that You care for him so much. If this is your will, help us to move on.
I trust You Lord, though I cannot understand. I surrender to Your will.. for You know better that I do.
In my life Lord, be glorified.
In the most precious name of my Lord and savior Jesus Christ, Amen.
the girl.
